Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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