hell yes lets make some ravioli
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
