you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize