Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
