I will die if light touches me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
