U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
