You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We had to coat check the pizza.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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