Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
