Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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