when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
