My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
