Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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