About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
