just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
