Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
