Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
