his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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