I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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