i think i have herpe
just one?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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