So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You ate ashes out of my bong
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
