What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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