Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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