Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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