We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
