I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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