I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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