Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
