Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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