Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
