We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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