He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
