Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
should my penis look like a turkey
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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