Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
