You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
