I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
