he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
