I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize