So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
