No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
