She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
