I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
