Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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