he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
