Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
