Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you had me at cake vodka
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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