Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
