Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All I want is dick and wine.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
