she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
