I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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