John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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