I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
