I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
