i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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