please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
