he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
