And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
there is glitter all over my balls
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