is wine microwaveable?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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