Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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