babies were throwing up all over the place
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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