no, he came in my armpit
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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