so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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