Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
