I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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