Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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