I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You ruined the universe
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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