he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
