You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
