we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
love makes seman taste better
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
