so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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