He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
